TOKYO – In a groundbreaking development that no one really asked for, Japanese tech giant KissuTech has unveiled a revolutionary new app designed to bring the intimacy of kissing into the digital age. Dubbed “KissMe 3000,” the app promises to simulate real-life smooching through a special set of silicone lips that attach to your smartphone.
CEO Hiroshi Tanaka introduced the invention in a press conference, explaining, “In today’s fast-paced world, people don’t have time for real relationships. We decided to solve that problem with technology, because nothing says ‘romance’ like making out with your phone.”
The device, which resembles a pair of eerily lifelike lips, connects via Bluetooth and is programmed to mimic the sensation of a real kiss using pressure sensors, temperature control, and even simulated breath. Users can pair their app with a partner’s device to “exchange kisses” in real time, regardless of distance.
However, the product has already sparked controversy. Early testers have reported strange side effects, including awkward moments when their phone randomly puckers up in public. Others have expressed concerns over the hygiene factor, though the company assures users that the lips are “easily wipeable with an antibacterial cloth” (which somehow makes it even worse).
Tech analyst David Branson weighed in on the app’s potential success. “We’ve seen some weird tech from Japan, but this might be the weirdest. That being said, it’s 2025, and if people can fall in love with AI chatbots, kissing their phones seems like the logical next step.”
KissuTech is already working on an upgraded version that will allow users to experience the sensation of “French kissing,” though details remain classified.
As for the future? “We are working on a full-body hug simulator,” Tanaka confirmed. “Imagine the feeling of being embraced by a warm, slightly buzzing smartphone. The future is now.”
DISCLAIMER: This story is completely true, but if you actually find yourself kissing your phone, please take a break from technology and go outside. The Laughing Post is not responsible for any emotional attachments formed between users and their devices.