BEDFORD, UK — Mere hours after Universal Studios announced its plans to build Europe’s largest theme park just outside Bedford (because obviously), Elon Musk took to X (formerly known as Twitter, formerly known as a good idea) to unveil his latest masterstroke of genius-energy-techno-hype-magic: powering the entire park with Tesla cars doing synchronized donuts.
“No need for the grid. Just vibes. And torque,” Musk tweeted, followed by a GIF of a Tesla Model S drifting in slow motion while Beethoven’s Ode to Joy played ominously in the background.
According to sources that may or may not exist, Musk barged into Universal’s London office riding a Segway, wearing a cape made of solar panels and shouting, “I’ve solved theme park energy FOREVER.” He then reportedly offered to install “Tesla coils next to the Hogwarts Castle ride for ‘a bit of flair.’”
The proposed system, dubbed “MuskMotion™,” involves a fleet of self-driving Teslas looping endlessly around the park on specially designed tracks, their kinetic energy allegedly sufficient to power entire roller coasters, popcorn machines, and at least three churro stands.
“We don’t need fossil fuels,” Musk explained during an impromptu press conference held in a Bedfordshire roundabout. “We need innovation. We need disruption. We need 400 Teslas doing high-speed donuts around a statue of Vin Diesel.”
Ride Concepts from Musk Industries:
- HyperLoop the Hedgehog – A ride that launches guests at Mach 2 into a tunnel and hopes they survive.
- SpaceXpress to the Gift Shop – A simulated rocket ride that promises to take you to the moon but actually just drops you into a queue for overpriced Minion merchandise.
- The Boring Ride – Literally a ride where you sit in silence while the vehicle tunnels aimlessly under Bedford. “Very avant-garde,” claims Musk.
- Xperience X – A confusing augmented reality ride where everything is branded with an “X,” and nobody knows what’s going on, including the developers.
In a bold twist, Musk has also promised that no staff will be needed at the park, as all roles will be filled by chatbots and humanoid robots trained exclusively on his own tweets.
Locals React
While some Bedford residents are skeptical, citing concerns like “noise pollution” and “existential dread,” others are fully onboard.
“I just want to see a Tesla jump a roller coaster,” said one man wearing a Dogecoin t-shirt and sipping something labeled CryptoCola. “If it explodes, even better.”
Universal Studios has yet to formally comment on Musk’s proposal, though insiders suggest they’re “politely pretending not to see him.”
Meanwhile, Elon was last seen digging a tunnel behind the Bedford Tesco, muttering about “creating the UK’s first inter-dimensional car park.”
Disclaimer:
The content on this website is purely satirical and intended for entertainment purposes only. All news stories, articles, and blog posts are fictional and should not be taken as fact. Any resemblance to real people, events, or situations is purely coincidental—or just really good satire.
- Elon Musk Vows to Power UK’s New Universal Studios
- UK Sends the London Eye to America as a Peace Offering
- Paddy Maguinnes Said since starting “Inside the Factory Tv show” he’s addicted to chocolate
- Japanese Tech Company Launches Kissing Lips App
- Lady Who Was Obsessed with Walking Up and Down Her Stairs Says It Ruined Her Life
- BREAKING: Liverpool to Be Managed by Local Pub Landlord After Entire Coaching Staff Sent Off
