In an audacious move that will surely shake up the streaming industry, Elon Musk has announced his latest venture: Muskflix—a brand-new platform where every single piece of content is about one thing, and one thing only: Elon Musk. The billionaire inventor, entrepreneur, and aspiring intergalactic overlord will be taking his love for being in the spotlight to the next level, putting the likes of Netflix and Hulu to shame.
“We’ve always wondered why the world doesn’t have enough of me. So, we’re fixing that,” Musk declared while lounging on a chair made entirely of Tesla leather, clearly pleased with his own genius. “Every show, every movie, every documentary—me. I’m the next James Bond. I’m the next Steve Jobs. I’m the next Steve Jobs playing James Bond.”
Muskflix will feature an endless stream of Musk-centric content, from Elon: The Biography (a 12-part miniseries in which Musk plays himself, naturally) to Elon in Space (a reality show where Musk talks to NASA scientists for 30 minutes and then proceeds to build a better rocket in his garage). Rumor has it that the service will also feature Elon Unfiltered—a behind-the-scenes look at Musk’s daily life, which mostly involves him tweeting at 3 AM and yelling at engineers.
For those who feel like they need even more Elon in their lives, Muskflix will include exclusive titles like Tesla’s Greatest Hits (an hour-long compilation of Musk presenting the latest Tesla models while wearing sunglasses indoors) and How to Make Mars Your New Home (a self-help show that is mostly just Musk offering unsolicited advice to lonely astronauts).
Subscribers will also be treated to a special feature: Elon’s Masterclass, where Musk teaches everything from space travel to how to launch a rocket without causing a global scandal. The course will also include practical lessons like “How to Handle Criticism from Billionaires” and “How to Argue with Your Ex on Twitter.”
And the best part? Muskflix will be free for the first 30 days. After that, users will only be able to pay using Bitcoin, Dogecoin, or any other cryptocurrency that Elon decides is trendy that week.
Disclaimer: This article is 100% satirical and Elon Musk may or may not be planning to monopolize the entire entertainment industry, just as he’s done with every other market he can think of. Please don’t try to sign up for Muskflix, as it doesn’t exist, much like our hopes of ever escaping the gravitational pull of Elon’s ego. If you do attempt to find it, you might just end up on a very confusing SpaceX website.