A woman who developed an intense obsession with walking up and down her stairs has claimed that the habit has completely destroyed her life, leaving her with unparalleled fitness, a fractured social life, and an uncontrollable urge to climb everything in sight.
Margaret Pemberton, 46, from Sheffield, first discovered her love of stair-walking during lockdown when, out of sheer boredom, she decided to pace up and down her staircase for exercise. What started as a simple fitness routine soon spiraled into a full-blown addiction.
“I just couldn’t stop,” Margaret said, staring longingly at her mahogany banister. “It started with a few steps here and there, but soon I was doing 5,000 flights a day. I ignored calls, skipped meals, and even missed my own birthday party because I was too busy beating my personal best.”
Margaret’s obsession soon took a toll on her relationships. Her husband, Derek, left after she refused to go on holiday, citing an irrational fear of escalators. Friends stopped inviting her to social events after she kept trying to climb their furniture, and her local gym revoked her membership after she was caught attempting to “summit” the treadmill.
“The final straw was when I tried to enter the Tour de France on foot,” she admitted. “I was convinced that if I could just find a staircase long enough, I could make it to Paris in record time.”
Doctors have diagnosed Margaret with an extremely rare and totally made-up condition called “Obsessive Stair Syndrome” (OSS). The only known treatment involves forcing the sufferer to live in a bungalow, but Margaret refuses, saying, “A house without stairs is just a sad, horizontal prison.”
Nowat the age of 87, she continues her uphill battle, quite literally. “I’m considering relocating to the Leaning Tower of Pisa,” she said. “It just feels like home.”