In a move nobody saw coming (or particularly asked for), Nigel Farage has announced plans to construct “Brexit Island” at the end of Walton Pier—a “sovereign outpost of true British values” featuring a duty-free Wetherspoons, a statue of Winston Churchill made entirely of fish fingers, and a border checkpoint for anyone entering from Clacton.
Speaking to a group of baffled onlookers, Farage declared:
“For too long, the great British people have been held back by geography, common sense, and Brussels bureaucrats. Brexit Island will be a beacon of independence, where we make our own rules, drink warm pints at 10 a.m., and enjoy limitless blue passports!”
The structure, which will be 10% completed before running out of funding, will also feature a miniature English Channel where visitors can re-enact “taking back control” by heroically rowing away from France on inflatable dinghies.
Local authorities have expressed mild concern, mostly because Walton Pier isn’t actually big enough to support a breakaway nation, but Farage reassured the public by pointing out that “Britain didn’t let reality stop Brexit, and I won’t let it stop Brexit Island either.”
Construction is expected to begin the moment someone else agrees to pay for it.
DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical post. Nigel Farage is not actually building a Brexit Island (as far as we know), and Walton Pier remains a perfectly normal pier—at least until the next unexpected political stunt.
More updates as we get them! 🏝️🇬🇧😂 #BrexitIsland #FaragePier #TakeBackControlAgain